Hello, how are you? I\u2019d like to know if you want to be on our email list?<\/p>\n
Hello, I\u2019d love to SPAM you. Can you give up some personal privacy for no reason other than me asking? It just so happens I\u2019m making a list of people to irritate now.<\/p>\n
Look, no one wants to be on a list. I think the only lists that were ever good to me were Santa\u2019s and the Dean\u2019s, and I\u2019ve long ago been kicked off both of those. VIP lists? Oh sure, get me in your club five minutes earlier and charge me more for drinks.
\nI\u2019ve had a hang up about lists ever since the hall monitor put me on one for running to recess in elementary school. And yes, I\u2019m still bitter about the punishment: a full month of being forced to play four square instead of kickball because that\u2019s the only ball that\u2019s left when you\u2019re the last to pick the recess items.<\/p>\n
No, we don\u2019t want to be on your stinking list \u2013 it doesn\u2019t matter how good you think it is, it just sounds bad to us.<\/p>\n
I can\u2019t tell you the last time I went to a sporting event and someone said, \u201cHey, buddy, do you want to stand in our snack bar line?\u201d It doesn\u2019t happen. That doesn\u2019t sound so good. No one likes standing in line.<\/p>\n
The reality is I\u2019m going to be standing in line, but the line is only a means to an end. I\u2019m standing in line to get food! What a revelation! \u201cHey, buddy, do you want to eat freshly-made delicious nachos?\u201d Well, um, yes I do. Okay, I just have to get in line here to get them? Cool. Where do I stand?<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s try this out with your email list. \u201cHey, buddy, do you want to get email only discounts on our products?\u201d or \u201cHey, buddy, do you want to see expert product demos in a video that you can personally play on your laptop when you\u2019re not so busy?\u201d Well, um, yes I do. Okay, I just have to give you permission to send me the good stuff? Cool. Where do I sign up?<\/p>\n